Several of the world’s leading climate scientists have made a sensational turnaround in their thinking, claiming that manmade climate change is in fact “a hoax” and that the deniers were right all along.
Academics from the UK, US, Europe and South America admitted that they had for years been part of a global communist conspiracy to see the overthrow of everything people who believe in freedom hold dear.
It was reported that they saw “the error of [their] ways” after reading books by experts such as Lord Lawson, James Delingpole, Matt Ridley and Christopher Monckton. The four men were never unavailable for comment*.
Speaking about the dramatic turnaround, one scientist said, “We now understand that our pursuit of cleaner, more sustainable capitalism was a mistake.”
Another claimed that the mainstream science community, which once proudly declared 97% of its experts accepted that climate change was manmade, now understood the merits of burning harmful and scarce fossil fuels, bought at volatile prices from unstable or unsavoury regimes.
Despite the determined efforts of this conspiracy to prevent the oil supermajors to make billions in profits every year and jeopardise fragile ecosystems – helped by the literally hundreds of thousands of pounds of academic funding and by the “neomarxists” at the BBC – they finally conceded defeat on Tuesday.
In line with the news, Blue & Green Tomorrow has been forced to change its name and alter its business model. From Wednesday, the magazine will be known as Black & Red Tomorrow, with a mission to “help grow businesses that seek to squeeze every last drop of profit out of their customers, regardless of the environmental and social cost of doing so”.
Founder and publisher Simon Leadbetter said, “It’s actually a huge relief to be unshackled from any kind moral, social or environmental responsibility and just make as much cash as possible.”
* hat tip to Gavin Smith for this excellent line